Overcome Your Lack of Self-confidence and Feel Strong Immediately

Overcome Your Lack of Self-confidence and Feel Strong Immediately

Let’s talk about common misconceptions of self-confidence and learn what it is and is it possible to attain it at all.

So, I got a text recently from a dear friend who sent me a screenshot of an email she recently received from a recruiter inviting her for an interview.

I immediately congratulated her and wished her a good luck. The next thing she texted me sank my heart a little. “What congratulations? I’m not going to get it….”

In the time I got to know her she has always been meticulous in her job, achieved so many academic and professional milestones, never missed a deadline and delivered a quality work. And yet her self-doubt and imposter syndrome have been keeping her in a place which didn’t make her happy.

All the other stories I hear from amazing ladies across the globe sound quite similar to me. Today another client was asking me advice on several options of her career advancement and self-development. I was suggesting her how to get a job in a desired place. She immediately responded to me saying that all those people who apply for those kinds of jobs are very experienced.

I asked her how she knew that and whether she met or spoke with any of those people?! And what makes her think that she has less experience and knowledge than any of those mysteriously amazing people?! We ended up having a long discussion.

Don’t reduce your destiny thinking some unknown people out there are better than you for the job! You are as good as any of them. If they can do it, you can do it! Instead of giving so much confidence and trust to those people who you’ve never met, who may not even exist, give that level of confidence to yourself.

Instead of saying: ‘I can’t do it’, say “I too can do it’, instead of saying: ‘others are better, smarter, more confident, more experienced’, say: ‘I too can be the best version of myself, I too can get to the place where they are, ‘I’m too gaining all the necessary experience and growing my mindset’.

Change the narrative in your head, change the words from negative to positive, and not a lala land positive, but action oriented, highly inspired, well planned positivity. Read my post on positivity here if you need some tips.

Remember, confidence comes from knowing who you are, remembering what is important for you in life, connecting with your inner world instead of blocking it and distracting yourself. Your values give you confidence, your hard work and small accomplishments can serve you as a proof that you are able bodied and able minded person. You just need to give yourself that attention you give to other successful people, if you could live one day in their shoes, you would know that what the outside world sees is not pure success filled with smooth and painless endeavours.

Remember, no one possesses confidence every single moment of every single day. In fact, if you ask the most confident and daring people, they will tell you how they question every decision they make, think through their every step million times, plan and re-plan things all the time. There is no failure proof action out there, everyone is bound to make small or big mistakes, sometimes losses and failure can be so painful and paralysing, but only those who can live through those moments, stay resilient and pick themselves up every time when they fall, can get to see the face of success. Confident people are not successful because they never failed or did any mistakes, but because they failed more than anyone else around them.

Once you realise how it works, it will not be that difficult to get into that mindset. But in order to shift that mind, you need to practice self-awareness and accept who you are and where you stand in your life with compassion. If a friend comes to you all beaten up with failure or heartbreak, would you ever say things like “you messed it up”, “you can’t do anything right”, “you are not good enough”? No, you wouldn’t. You would show compassion, support and reassurance to them, and give them all the help they might need. So, why don’t you do the same for yourself?!

At the end of the day, only you can change your situation. Other people can only support you, encourage you and be there for you at best. But if you don’t choose to act, you still will be in the same situation. Do yourself a huge favour and decide what kind of life you want to have for yourself.

Here are some actions you can take to start building confidence:

  1. Take a break from a social media for a day, week or as long as you can. See if it helps with your thoughts of comparing yourself with others. That can help you create some room for your own thoughts about what is happening in your own life. Glossy pages never helped anyone feel better about themselves. Strangely enough, even when we know that most of those social media photos are fake, polished, and filtered so much than it is what it looks like in real life, we still continue self-bashing with comparison. Acted out frozen moments in the pictures cannot show you the whole life and tell you their stories.

2. Walk in the nature, fresh air will boost your mood, but most importantly you will connect with the world and see that you are not a singular being detached from the world, but the opposite. That you are an equal part of this world and can equally access the good experiences life can offer. When you connect with nature, you can find inner peace and see the harmony of the world in one piece. That can give you the sense of belonging and a personal space to hold.

3. Reconnect with your values, find out what is important for you. You might be fearful of other people’s judgement, but no one can actually tell you or know better than you what is important for you. In times of anxiety and stress from the uncomfortable situations, connecting to your core values can help you ground yourself and take the right course of action, which then will turn into confidence.

4. Find out what type of support works for you. Some people like sharing and advising with close friends and family, and some people like to keep their plans to themselves until they are sure and ready to share. I for instance share my intentions with handful of people who can just listen to me and ask me right questions which then put me to the right direction. However, I don’t involve people in decision making process, because I like to choose the actions which work for me, and if they don’t, I still want to live through them, so I learn something from my mistakes. So, if you like to share and consult with your circle, then choose the right people who won’t preach, or jump into telling you what you should be doing, or worse, projecting their own fears and insecurities. Choose someone who can give you solid, objective opinion and can help you plan your steps.

 It takes a lot of courage and resilience not to fall into the pressure of the other people’s expectations. You don’t wake up to a big and full confidence, it is often the small decisions you take to take control over parts of your life build your confidence. My secret weapon is to say ‘NO’ to things which don’t suit me. I find people pleasing ungratifying, long, and exhausting act. It also somehow takes the power off your hand and makes you forget about your own needs. Being able to say no each time to situations which make you uncomfortable is very empowering. As long as it is polite and true to your core values, people won’t get offended, and you will end up gaining extra ‘ounce’ of confidence.

Unhappy with your job? It is time for a career change!

Unhappy with your job? It is time for a career change!

Have you ever wondered if there was more to life than going through the same motions of uninspiring job day in, day out? I certainly have. In fact, every time I feel demotivated or frustrated with my job, I have the habit of checking the employment market to see if anything exciting was going on outside of my tiny little world. I also tend to google articles and blog posts about career change, finding a meaningful job which could give me a full satisfaction and make me feel useful.It turns out that I am not alone in this universe who turns to internet to find answers when they are not happy with their careers. If there is one thing I do not believe when it comes to employment and career, it is that there is no such thing as job for life, nor should there be.I think this old school concept of getting into a permanent job and stick to it until your life ends and you are covered with mould in a dusty office buried with million stacks of files and papers is so 19th, 20th century. We have one life, and we all want to make it count and use it for meaningful things which are important to us. Then how come we find ourselves in menial jobs, uninspiring bosses and endless dread and burnouts?! The answer is five-fold:



I put this first, because let’s be honest, we do what we do not only because it is what we are trained for and passionate about, but also mainly because it is our livelihood, bread and butter, our token for a good life. Money may not buy us happiness (well at least not always) but it can certainly buy us some peace, time and commodities which can distract our brains and make them release temporary happy hormones. That is almost as good as true happiness right…?! But seriously, when your bills are paid and you have a roof over your head, it does bring us some peace and security, in the end of the day Maslows’s hierarchy of needs will always rule, our basic needs are the touchstone of our wellbeing and quality of life. And it all depends on money in this capitalistic world. We all know it too well, that’s why it makes it hard for us to leave everything and walk out of unsatisfying, mentally draining jobs not knowing how you will be paying your next bills.


Getting institutionalised

Do you remember Brooks Hatlen from Shawshank Redemption, an inmate who commits suicide shortly after he is released from prison? Red says that Brooks has been in prison for so long that he has become institutionalised. So, what could this possibly mean?! We humans are creatures of habits.  It is because our brains function in a way to find easy ways of finding solutions and establish routines and certain level of discipline, so the brain doesn’t have to use so much energy to do everyday activities. In other words, the brain works very hard and burns a lot of energy in a new environment, say when you move to a new city or country. It has to concentrate harder to do the risk assessment, and focus on keeping us alive by finding food, water, and a place where we can be safe to sleep to recuperate our bodies. Once these survival things are established, then it becomes a habit for us where to get our food and how to get home safely, which transport to take and which road to walk to. It all becomes very much mechanical, and anything which might knock this routine out of balance is perceived by our brains as a threat to our safety. In a workplace, it is exactly the same, we get used to the tasks, daily patterns, even uninspiring tasks, and tyrannic bosses can be tolerated as opposed to what could be waiting or not waiting for us outside of this cosy, familiar, at times super uncomfortable comfort zone. Even if it keeps us imprisoned, kills our creativity and exploration of our other potential, the freedom can be so scary. So, the brain takes it as a risk and starts producing long list of things ‘why’ we cannot do it, why we cannot or should not take the risk.


Loss of Confidence

Unfortunately, the downside effect from the above reason is losing confidence. Especially if you worked in ‘mechanical zone’ for a long time, if your work has stopped challenging you and you haven’t grown in your thinking, creating and achieving, your confidence starts faltering. You lose track of what is happening outside of your world, what the new and progressive technologies are, what the recruiters’ expectations are, etc. In fact, the underlining and real reason of all the excuses we tell ourselves to leave the unhappy and miserable jobs is fear. Fear that we are not good enough, and we will fail, because we do not deserve better situation than we are already in. Once you know how to face your fear, it all falls into right perspective. With little planning, research and updating your skills, joining the right network groups, you can find your inspiration again. And once you find your inspiration, you can find the will and inner strength to face the unknown. Because you will have a good plan which will work for you, which can also include a buffer, a safety cushion even if you fail it a little bit in the beginning.


You can’t afford being unemployed for any period of time because of financial/family commitment

This reason is quite complex, yes, it is harder to get up and go when you have a family and large household expenses. You would need to consult with your other half who may not be very thrilled at the prospect of loss of income, or maybe a new job might require a relocation. I work in a sector where the essence of the work demands rotation and relocation all the time. I know first-hand that it can shake the best of us. Single people struggle to find partners with their constant moving, families suffer, because partners can get fed up with following their other halves around the world while de-prioritising their careers, social circles, friends and other interests, or waiting for their spouses from R&R to R&R, the children are affected through this unstable uprooted lifestyle and families fall apart. So how do you deal with such situations?It is all about choices and finding out what is really important for you personally and for your family. See in a broader picture where your future is heading to, whether your partner is on board fully and enthusiastically, or are they just at their wits end with this dead-end situation. The change does not happen easily, it is uncomfortable, scary and at times emotionally taxing. In this life where we pay for things with time, money, or health, whatever you choose you are paying for your choice with one of these resources. So, it better be a good choice which is fulfilling and make you feel content.


Outdated skills

Yes, this is inevitable, with rapid evolution of technology and internet, things are changing with the speed of light. It’s not like in previous centuries that if you get a good education and learn few skills, then you are set for life in employment. These days things are changing fast, the organisations and businesses which can’t adopt with the same speed, are losing their supporters, profit and public confidence. I’m a strong believer of life-long learning. Although I do struggle with catching up with all the “cool” and modern technologies with limited available time, I do my best to attend courses and trainings to see what is happening outside of my work bubble.I heard the frustration of stuck colleagues all over the world where I worked so many times and their internal issues are quite similar. They don’t know what is happening outside of our work sector, they are too scared and don’t have much faith that they are employable elsewhere. Some of them don’t even have CVs. Not knowing how to change their situation, they keep going through the same patterns, letting their well being and mental health decline in the process, families and personal lives are affected.


To put my two pennies’ worth

Take the leap of faith and plan your exit. You can break it down into smaller steps; save up for any gaps in employment, brush up your skills, definitely prepare your CV, it can also help you see in one place what you have achieved and what skills you’ve developed over the course of your long employment history. When you are ready and well prepared, it will become less scary to embrace the unknown…